My view is clouded
I can’t seem to distinguish
Between reality and a delusion
How I wish my reality was a delusion
My view is clouded
My heart weeps for the past
I am my own rock theses days
I am all I have left
In my weakness I remember
All the lessons of the past
In my clouded view I search for laughter
I search high and low for a glimpse of hope
My view might be hazy
My heart might be broken
But I am my own rock
For better or worse
In my last moments will you be my last thought?
In my last moments would you even have a second in my story?
My life is composed of short snippets of film.
Snippets of the grand moments in my life.
They are all filled with joy and freedom.
Even as they lay me to rest; I still feel alive.
These are the moments I will hold on to in my end.
Do you see me in the air because that is where I’ll be.
For me it was real; even if it wouldn’t last
for me every moment, every conversation meant something
The silly games you would play that made me smile was real
I meant every word I had shared with you
None, of me was a lie; it was all real
Now, my heart crumbles with the thought of the lies
My breath shakes when I think of all those past times
I pride myself of being my self and now I fear of it
I fear being judge for who I am or rejected because of it
Mostly I fear of being taken advantage of once again
Trust is no longer one of my cards
Trust of people over all has forsaken me
Letters that curve as she speaks
While you see insanity
I see wisdom
As she only writes what her lips do not say
Covered in ink, do you ever speak
For you are the only thing that hears me
Sees my tears at night even when I sleep
Please never say what you must over hear
Instead let them read what these lips do not say
In my red ink
All my life I have been destroyed
Told that I wasn’t good enough
My accomplishments meant nothing
Yet, my failures would be plastered everywhere
The fears that taunt me at night were silly little dreams
Never taken seriously
My cries were never seen just ignored
Insecurities became the punch of every joke
All my life I was taught to destroy myself
No one is better at it then me
Zero emotions but too many thoughts
They zoom past so fast
Cannot seem to capture a picture at all
Blurry lines that intertwine is what I end-up with
Emotions that want to be felt
Run through my hands like water
A curse and blessing for sure
I know that one day it’ll all come back
The thoughts will be ten times
Emotions will threaten to destroy me
The water will freeze at my touch
Blurry lines will stay still for a moment
Just enough to capture an image of you
Do I want that day?
Probably not, but it seems inevitable
For now, I’ll enjoy this small gift of calmness