As my birthday approaches my count down becomes more silent. In the quietest moments I whisper five more days. It truly amazes me how far I have come in a short amount of time. While life has not been easy for me, from over coming cancer to falling in love for the first time and having it cause me turmoil; I try to remind my self to keep moving forward. If I am honest with myself and all of you I never thought I would make it to my twenty-six birthday. The thought had never crossed my mind; in truth I had not thought past the age of twenty-four. Now, that I am here I find myself wondering what would become of me. If I would want to marry one day or even birth children. I have always been the type to live in the moment because the future always seemed unreachable. As I said I have come along way in my personal and professional life and for that I am truly grateful. Even knowing that, I know that my tough road has not ended, but only truly started, so my birthday is bittersweet for me. Yet, as I keep going on with my days I tell my self one word forward.
My smile grows tiresome every passing day
my heart feels heavier with pain
All I can say to myself is forward
My smile becomes less frequent
My smile is less genuine every passing day
Do you see my tears?
I dare you to see the hurt you have caused.
Look real close into them and you’ll see my past life
All my past smiles and laughter.
I smile less and frown more
I laugh less and cry more.
My smile becomes more tiresome every passing day.
The lovely face I once knew is no more.
The smiles that was constantly on your face has disappeared.
The halls are no longer filled with your laughter or silly games.
Darkness has replaced and erased everything about you.
Turned your youthful smile to a bitter slant
True age shows in the creases on your face
The difference between us is clearer every passing day.
They say with age comes wisdom, but so far I only see
everything, but what they promise.
The thorn of the roses
were plump as a peach
They thirsted for sweet blood
They craved the taste of flesh
I was too consumed with the beauty of the pedals
In trance in the vibrant color of red to notice;
how my hand vanished in a sea of red
Yet, I still held the rose;
as my hand became covered in my own blood
Drenching everything in sight
Pain erupted in my core, but I sill held on
to what was hurting me the most.
Only the universe knows me
how my heart weeps everyday, but my smile never fades
How the bottle never seems to end my thoughts
Only the universe knows that I’m in love
In love with a an empty shell
In love of someone who despises me
My well has dried up for there are no more tears
My heart tries and tires to repair its broken wings
Only the universe knows my wildest thoughts
in my deepest despair. . .
In my last moments will you be my last thought?
In my last moments would you even have a second in my story?
My life is composed of short snippets of film.
Snippets of the grand moments in my life.
They are all filled with joy and freedom.
Even as they lay me to rest; I still feel alive.
These are the moments I will hold on to in my end.
Do you see me in the air because that is where I’ll be.
Assumptions were made from the start
We thought we were on the same path
Foolishly we spoke about our chapter
The sway in your voice had an effect on me
Realization that this was a no mans land,
a one way path, came too late.
I was already in knee-deep in this mush
A one way street full of sinking sand
Yet, my hand reached out for yours
what I found was a ghost of a man
As my body sunk to the bottomless pit
my heart stayed with yours beating on last time. .