Random thoughts

Caught in the middle of me

We spend so much of our time thinking about what we should do rather than taking action and going for it. I for one go through so many different thoughts before I choose to do something. Even if it’s something that I actually want to peruse. This is especially true when I care for someone. My emotions become intertwine between the girl that I was and the person that I am now. The old me is frighten of everything and everyone and the person I am now is well, let’s say more carefree to an extent. I am the person who would jump out of an airplane for fun. The person who loves to read during a stormy day and a sunshine full day. As I’m getting older I’m starting to get to know me as a person; as the person I always was, but never got the chance to know. I was always trying to fit in and never to stand out. Now, I embrace my weirdness and love it when I take people by surprise. While most things I say I don’t mean, but I say to bring laughter it’s still meaningful to me. My purpose is to make myself happy; either through writing or listening to music with an actual beat; if it makes me happy that’s all I care about. As I said before I am starting to know who I am and where I want to be in the future and on the days that I have no clue; at least I know where I don’t want to be. I’m not the person who wants to be in jail or the person who wants to be behind a desk or the person you call to clean your house. Those people are just not me and that’s okay. I am, who, I am. Now, when it comes to love that’s where I’ am intertwined; like so many people I love the idea of being loved. Yet, I ‘am horribly terrified of it. I run like the sky is falling when the possibility presents its self. In other words; I’m chicken shit. When I like someone I cannot seem to make a sentence. Yea, I am one of those dorks, but that’s who I am. It’s difficult though because even though I like someone and want to get know that person I cannot make myself go for it. The possibility of rejection is much greater than the chance of breaking a bone.

2 thoughts on “Caught in the middle of me

  1. I admire how this post of yours is filled with only genuine emotions! It’s alright if we feel kind of ‘trapped’ behind anxieties sometimes; we all go through that. It’s scary how we scare our own selves sometimes- but I guess that’s just a part of life. Stay strong, and good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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